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Weapons have been a source of pain and suffering throughout human history. Since the first caveman bashed in his buddy’s head with a rock for eying his woman, weapons have played an important role in the decay of society. Alfred Nobel invented the Nobel Peace Prize to counter the moniker of “Merchant of Death” – bestowed unto the genius for his most famous invention, dynamite.

He knew that weapons were merely devices aimed at enhancing the destructive capabilities of humans, and their presence put the entire world in Jeopardy. His last will and testament was designed to prevent this catastrophe from happening, and his vision has promoted peace, art, and the progression of science since 1901.

Weapons are also a helluva’ lot of fun. Ninja swords, maces, sniper rifles, and grenades make the world a better place. And dynamite looks great stuffed down an opponent’s throat. I am talking about the world of video games of course – a place where killing is called “fragging” and headshots reign supreme.

In the real world I am a peace loving, anti-war, Che Guevara T-shirt wearing law abider. But once I hit that power button on the console, things change. I want to see the pink mist! And that’s where this edition of Ripten’s Top-Ten takes us. Today we choose the weapons that give us those shark-like grins and quench our lust for bloodshed. The instruments of malice that deal digital death faster than a bar serving Molotov cocktails. These are the weapons that make us cheer and our opponents shudder. This one … could get a little messy. And now for #10 on our list, The Gravity Hammer.

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Halo has brought us a lot of great weapons over the years. Some of them were good, some were bad, and some wouldn’t help you punch your way out of a wet paper bag. The great ones can always be identified however, by their demand in an online fragfest. Game after game yields mad sprints to snag the most destructive vehicles, the best powerups, and the most ferocious artillery, but there is one weapon that’ll send a room full of enemies dashing for the exits: The Gravity Hammer.

We first got a glimpse of the Hammer in Halo II being wielded by the Chieftain Brute Tartarus. It sure dealt with the Arbiter quickly, sending poor little pixilated Keith David careening down a bottomless pit. While not exactly an instrument of finesse, the Gravity Hammer was perfectly designed for blunt force trauma. Have a room full of elites that needs eradicating? Use the Hammer. A co-worker parked his warthog in your parking space? Use the Hammer. Can’t open that pesky jar of preservatives? Employ the Hammer. The Brute Gravity Hammer follows the ethos of the “if it ain’t broke, break it” variety. And it does this very well.

halo_hammer.jpgThe weapons of Halo III are vast and varied. The Spartan Laser is favored for ending those annoying killing sprees by all the Maverick wannabes taking to the skies in their banshees on Valhalla. The Flamethrower is great for guarding those gravity lifts on Construct. And the rocket launcher found on the catwalk on Narrows will make your opponents wish they’d never enlisted. All these weapons serve a purpose, but it is the Hammer alone that delivers that indefinable satisfaction that comes with the knowledge that you just bashed a person into another time zone. Never has using a force amplifier tool dating back to 30,000 BCE so much fun.

The Gravity Hammer has its limitations, as do all the weapons on this list. It’s slow, its bulky, and its impossible to sneak through a metal detector, but it causes an certain emotion in its victims that leads to its inclusion in our Top Ten…that emotion is FEAR. People will fear you when they turn a corner to see this beauty cocked and waiting. And in the world of gaming, it’s always better to be feared than loved.

Top Ten Most Badass Weapons List: 10 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1


11 COMMENTS

  1. Weapons played a role in our survival and development just as much as our presumed decay considering humans have no natural defense or natural weapons how exactly is it that you presume weapons are the source of civility’s decay? Without weapons there would be no society or civilizations, we’d just be another animal for predators to feast on. You herd the term fight or flight right? We are born with a natural instinct to run away from danger since we have no natural means by which to fend off a bear or a lion not that running helps much but if you got a nice little pack of humans so long as you run faster then the guy behind you…Weapons today are just as important to our survival, though, there destructive ability have increase greatly beyond anything our known ancestors have had you have to consider there effectiveness as a part of that equation not as many people die in war today as opposed to two hundred years ago where tens of thousands regularly lay dead within hours (not that weapons today could not be used to devastating effect in the right hands). Also the idea that human nature does not play a part in the supposed decay of society is ignorant too, we are born selfish and aggressive as a natural means to increase our chances of survival. We essentially domesticate our children to be empathetic and compassionate and function in the unnatural society we have created, that society being one of fear enforced by weapons. Weapons are the only thing standing between the decay of society and its preservation from ourselves.

    Cerebral bore, the cave men are jealous.

  2. If you’re not smart don’t try to pretend, because you fail miserably. I’ve seen the “no hate speech allowed” line, but stop, just stop. You are actually making readers dumber by your comments. Besides the grammar/spelling, the factual ERRORS are what’s bothering me (tho right on SOME points). I sincerely believe people like you need to stop going to NRA meetings so often and consider reading a book.
    As a historian I take offence in comments such as yours.

  3. then by all means counter, all you done so far is insult me for having an opinion. I’m not an nra member and guns don’t kill.

  4. I stopped reading when “Che Guevara” and “Anti War” were put together in the same sentence. He may have been a revolutionary but the man murdered dozens!

  5. Author:
    Your comment of wearing a Che Guevara t-shirt to somehow make the point that you’re ‘anti-weapon’ only makes that point to the scores of other brainwashed kids that think Che is some sort of hippie hero of the people.

    Che was actually a murderous thug who took specific delight in shooting political prisoners in the head (himself) for Castro. He was a monster, and a coward. And was eventually hunted down and killed like the dog he was in Africa. You should look into it before you continue making yourself look silly to people who actually know history and don’t just buy t-shirts from Hot Topic.

  6. Che was a murderer who sold out his own men and personally executed over 100 other peace loving anti-war people just because they would not support his cause. he even had a wall knocked out so he could watch his firing squads execute “dissidents and often participated with his own pistola! What a good example to use for peace!!! Moron.

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